Sonntag, 9. Juni 2013

Vertrauen Sie mir - ich weiß, was ich tue!



Growing up feels like

Walking barefoot; Soft lush blades of grass
tickle your knees. An ice lolly in your hand,
your tongue hastily licks elusive
 sweet sticky drops, whilst looking through
 heart-shaped sunglasses shows a world in shadow
and with every step you see grasshoppers
popping to the safety of the left and the right,
And with a last step, your foot pressed
 against the cool moist ground


you feel a wasp stinging the sole.
.

Donnerstag, 18. April 2013

Vertrauen Sie mir - Ich weiß, was ich tue!



Christs & Crises
A farce in one act


CHARACTERS
LEO – male patient in his 40ies
JOSEPHINE– female patient in her late 20ies
DR. BLOOM – the doctor, middle aged man, he looks a little bit scruffy
A NURSE – Female, early 20ies, revealed cleavage, a buxom blonde, caked in make up

ACT 1 SCENE I

The play is set in a psychiatric ward. It gives a warm and welcoming feeling.  The counselling room contains three comfortable chairs and a little table with a box of tissues on top of it. The audience can also see a picture frame turned with the back to them. On two walls are packed bookshelves and on the third wall hangs a print of the painting THE TWO FRIDAS by Frida Kahlo.

DR. BLOOM is sitting in his consultation room, looking tired, in front of him a large glass of whiskey and a bottle. He is playing with a picture frame and speaking on the phone.

DR. BLOOM:       Trish, darling, I know, I let you down. I don’t know why it happened, it just did. I was overworked, bor – (Pause.) What do you mean, you will take Oskar? You don’t even like Oskar, you despise him. (Pause.) You need a new leather handbag? What has this to do with anything? Darling, listen, I understand that you are angry and believe me you have - (Pause.) I shouldn’t talk to you like you are one of my patients? Well, if you are going to take that tone, it strikes me, we would certainly be better off if you were (Pause.) Trish, darling, no, I didn’t mean to…let me ex – (DR. BLOOM looks at the receiver in disbelief and bangs it back on the hook.) Nuts, she is completely nuts. A new leather hand bag! (Grunts.) She needs to be on the couch, that’s where this woman needs to be, preferably sedated!  A little kiss, a little lipstick mark and she thinks I am sleeping with the whole village. (Grunts again.)
 
DR. BLOOM knocks back his drink, and while he is doing so, someone knocks on his door.  He quickly pours himself another measure, knocks it back as quickly as the first and hides the glass and whiskey behind some books.

DR. BLOOM:       Come in!

Leo enters the room with a big cross. He carefully places the cross in a corner and takes a seat. He looks to the floor. 

DR. BLOOM:       Hello Leo, how are we today?

LEO:                      Fine, Dr. Bloom, thank you
.
DR. BLOOM:       How is your profession - I mean… vocation going?

LEO:                       I have the feeling that I am stagnating, doctor. I tried to walk on water last week and what should I say? I was lucky someone threw a life jacket. Some people on the ward have started calling me names, Sir, blessed be the poor in spirit. But I am telling you, Doctor, it ain’t easy to be Jesus, it takes a lot of dedication.

DR. BLOOM starts writing on a notepad he holds on his lap.

DR. BLOOM:       You have been with us for a while now. Have you met Josephine yet? I thought we should try something new, something that might help you. I would like to introduce you to each other.

LEO:                       Only if she wants to become one of my followers, otherwise-

DR. BLOOM:       Excellent. Actually she should have been here by now…

DR. BLOOM looks at his watch then looks at the picture and smiles
.
DR. BLOOM:       She seems to be late, let me go and get her quickly. 

DR. BLOOM stands up and opens the door. JOSEPHINE stands in front of the door. She enters and starts speaking.

JOSEPHINE:        Thank you.

DR. BLOOM:       Oh Josephine, you are already here. You didn’t just stand outside waiting for me, did you?

JOSPEHINE:        (takes a seat) Of course not, I arrived as soon as you opened the door.

DR. BLOOM:       Well for next time can I suggest just knocking? 

JOSEPHINE:        Next time I will be the one to let you in Doctor. 

Leo looks shyly to the floor again, DR. BLOOM looks irritated and goes back to his chair.
DR. BLOOM:       (smiling through his teeth) Good, as we are all here now and as we haven’t met before I would suggest we start with a short introduction. I’ll go first, to break the ice. I’m Leonard Bloom, I have been working here as a psychologist for six months now. My favourite ice cream is chocolate, I find snakes fascinating and -

JOSEPHINE starts coughing. DR. BLOOM looks at her with an even more irritated expression. LEO looks at JOSEPHINE.
DR. BLOOM:       Anything you like to tell us, Josephine?

JOSEPHINE:         Your wife will divorce you.

DR. BLOOM looks at JOSEPHINE with his mouth open.

 LEO:                      What? Really? I am sorry to hear that, doctor. Although as your lord and saviour, I do hope you won’t get a divorce! Leo gets a rosary out of his pocket and starts a quiet prayer.

JOSEPHINE:        Indeed, they will. He had an aff-

DR. BLOOM:       Enough! - Please, both of you, enough! We shouldn’t focus on my private life.  Josephine, I have no idea where you heard this one from, but it has nothing to do with our counselling session.  Could we please continue without discussing my private life? Thank you. Leo, maybe you can go next?

LEO:                       You shouldn’t say it doesn’t matter Doctor Bloom. My father taught me: ‘Thou shalt not commit adultery.’

JOSEPHINE:        Oh, that’s what my dad always tells me! He would probably add: “May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.  A loving doe, a graceful deer-- may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love. “ – How sad it is too late for you, Dr. Bloom.

LEO looks at JOSEPHINE for the first time. DR. BLOOM looks uneasy, tries to control himself which is visible to the others and doesn’t say anything. He clings to the armrests.

LEO:                       That’s exactly what Daddy used to say. He -  

DR. BLOOM:       Ok, stop it you two. Stop it.  Who is speaking about adultery, Leo? Josephine, my wife and I are having some problems. It happens. It shouldn’t bother you. (starts tapping the notepad with his pen) . Please could we finish the round now? Leo?

 LEO:                      Yes, doctor. Of course, doctor. Hmmm…What about me? I am just Leo.  (He reaches forward to get a tissue out of the box and starts to scrunch it up.)

DR. BLOOM:       And? Anything you would like to add?

LEO:                       (his speech gets quieter with every word) I am Jesus Christ, saviour of humanity and Son of our Lord, my father?

JOSEPHINE:        NO WAY! That can’t be!

LEO:                       I am sorry, I didn’t mean to -

JOSEPHINE:        Sir, no offense, but that’s crazy. You can’t be Jesus.

DR. BLOOM:       And why are you saying this, Josephine?

JOSEPHINE:        Because, he is obviously deluded. He is certainly at the right place. A man claiming to be Jesus? It’s not possible. He can’t be me. I am Jesus.

DR. BLOOM:       You are not saying he pretends to be you, are you?

JOSEPHINE:        No. I am saying, he’s a liar.

LEO:                      (clears his throat) Thou shalt not lie! I wouldn’t do it!

JOSEPHINE:        If you are saying this, you’d better start listening to yourself.

DR. BLOOM interrupts quickly.

DR. BLOOM:       Okay, let’s assume neither of you are lying. What might be happening here then? Can anyone enlighten me?

 LEO:                      Excuse me, I can’t help it that I am Jesus. I didn’t ask to be.

JOSEPHINE:        I have news for you, David Icke. Forget it, you better start worshipping me.

LEO:                       Thank you, but I have my own religious followers.

JOSEPHINE:        Maybe in the clinic. But, you better get your OWN life and wake up to the facts 
here! And stop harvesting in my zone of interest.

DR. BLOOM nervously slides on his chair.

DR. BLOOM:       Please, could we try not to offend each other?  What about being nice to each other?

JOSEPHINE:        Doesn’t the bible say let she who is with sin cast the first stone when it comes to any sort of argument?

JOSEPHINE takes a tissue out of the box, crunches it and throws it at LEO. LEO picks it up and throws it back.

DR. BLOOM:       Ladies, Gentlemen, we are not in a nursery. I would prefer we could continue without insulting each other? Please, what would Jesus do?!

JOPSEPHINE nods but doesn’t say a thing. LEO is the first one that starts speaking again.

LEO:                      Are you an atheist Dr. Bloom?

DR. BLOOM:       What does THAT have to do with anything Leo?

LEO:                       I was an atheist myself before I lost my wife. And look at me now, I am the Nazarene! The anointed one! And so I say, glad tidings doctor, there is hope for you yet! I am still looking for followers, you know?

DR. BLOOM:       I don’t think there is any room in this session to discuss my private beliefs, Leo. Why don’t you confess to us, what brought you here?

LEO:                       I loved Sharon. (Starts sobbing.)  It was my fault entirely. I had decided to go out drinking with the boys. Just for a couple of beers like we use to, every Friday night. She asked me if I could pick her up. It was snowing that day. (Beat.) She had an accident on her way back home. Lost control of the wheel… she died in hospital the same night.  And then after all these years my real father spoke to me. Suddenly his voice filled my head and he revealed….(He stands up and spreads his arms.)

JOSEPHINE:        Pathetic.

DR. BLOOM:       Josephine!

LEO:                       But why – How can you say that! (Drops his arms.)

JOSEPHINE:        You are a liar, Leo. Your wife didn’t die in a car crash. She left you because you were an alcoholic and you cheated on her with your secretary.  

LEO looks at JOSEPHINE and takes a seat. He picks up another tissue and starts to crunch it and shrugs his shoulders.

LEO:                       I was just out drinking with the boys.

DR. BLOOM:       (sighs) I know how these stories end.  Going out with some colleagues at the Christmas party, having some drinks and forgetting the tell-tale lipstick marks when you get home…

He reaches out for the tissues and starts sobbing. LEO is irritated; JOSEPHINE grabs another tissue which she offers DR. BLOOM. Someone knocks at the door. A NURSE opens the door without waiting for the permission to enter. DR. BLOOM stops sobbing and looks at the NURSE.

NURSE:                                 Sorry Dr. Bloom, excuse me. But we have an urgent phone call for you.

DR. BLOOM:       Can’t you see I am in a session, Nurse? I cannot just leave.

JOSEPHINE:        If I were you, doctor, I would go.

NURSE:                                 The call is from your wife, Oskar -

                DR. BLOOM stands up and interrupts the NURSE.

DR. BLOOM:       Oskar? Has something happened to Oskar? You should have said so straight away!

                DR. BLOOM hastily leaves the room.

NURSE:                                 Hey Josephine, haven’t seen you in a while. How are you doing, love? We need to meet for a coffee again. I wanted to say thanks. Your tip was worth its weight in gold. Horse won the race by a mile. You don’t have any other advice for me, do you? My friends and I are going to the races on Sunday.

JOSPEHINE:        Bet on Sparkle.

LEO:                      Sparkle. (Laughs.) What kind of a horse is that? A Shetland pony? If I were you, I would bet on Horseradish.

NURSE:                                 Oh Leo, hi! I didn’t know you were into betting. How are you yourself?  Still carrying your cross, I see. (She points at the cross in the corner.) And how’s your vocation going?

LEO:                       As usual, having a hard time to convince the non believers. (He looks at JOSEPHINE.) But what I am more interested in is what’s going on with Dr. Bloom?

JOSEPHINE:        His beloved python was killed by a vengeful wife.

                The NURSE and LEO stare at JOSEPHINE.

NURSE:                                 Oskar is a python? You’re sure? I thought him and Trish were having a kid! He always talked with so much pride, so much affection, about Oskar and what a great personality he has.

JOSEPHINE grabs the picture on the table and shows it to the NURSE and LEO. The picture shows an albino python hanging from a topless DR. BLOOM’s neck, Bloom is kissing the animal on the nose, they are embraced in a compromising position. LEO and the NURSE look shocked.

LEO:                       Isn’t that unhygienic?

NURSE:                                  Oh no! And to think I kissed that mouth! Quick, I need some hot water and some disinfectant! Oh God, I feel sick.

The NURSE hurries out of the room.

JOSEPHINE:        And I will bring the blind by a way that they knew not; I will lead them in paths that they have not known: I will make darkness light before them, and crooked things straight. These things will I do unto them, and not forsake them.

LEO:                       Could you stop this, please?

JOSEPHINE:        What?

LEO:                       You know what. I am sick of you pretending to be some mysterious Super-Christ.

JOSEPHINE:        How dare you!

LEO:                       I wonder what brought you here? Last time I saw you, you were swearing like a drunken sailor. It must have been on a race.  You are the girl that was involved in the betting scandal, aren’t you? I saw your picture in the paper. Very clever that trick with soapy flakes and rubbing them into the legs of the horses. I fell for it and thought the horses were not fit enough to win.

JOSEPHINE:        I don’t know what you are talking about.

LEO:                       Repent! Because of you I lost a fortune.

JOSEPHINE:        What should I say? (JOSEPHINE shrugs.) Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us into temptation and deliver us some fortune. Amen.

LEO:                       Amen. I take it you are just here to avoid prison then, eh?

JOSEPHINE:        I take it you couldn’t face your shame, eh?

 DR. BLOOM runs into the room. He runs straight to the bookshelves, he hastily gets the whiskey out and the glass, pours himself a drink and knocks it back. JOSEPHINE and LEO are looking at him.

DR. BLOOM:       Murder! Infamous murder, Satan’s brute killed an innocent creature. Satan is released from its prison. Doomsday is near, the battle is on. For the revenge of Oskar! He pours himself another drink, salutes and knocks it back.

LEO:                       Doctor, are you alright?

DR. BLOOM ignores him and picks up LEO’s cross.

LEO:                       Excuse me, but some people consider this to be stealing, Dr. Bloom!

DR. BLOOM:       I command you, stop calling me doctor. I am no longer the doctor of which you speak. (spotlight onto Dr. Bloom) I am – I am -  I AM THE GOOD LORD. And I tell you, today, on the Day of Judgment, my wife will have to atone for her sins! Sinners belong on a cross!

 DR. BLOOM grabs the cross and runs out of the room. Full light back on again. JOSEPHINE starts to pour herself a drink. Before she drinks it, she starts talking.                      

JOSEPHINE:        A drink for a drink and insanity for insanity.

Depeche Mode’s ‘Personal Jesus’ starts playing. She drinks the whiskey, hands the glass to LEO who pours himself a drink as well.
Blackout.

Sonntag, 17. März 2013

Vertrauen sie mir - ich weiß, was ich tue!

Wie zum Henker schreibt man ein zehn Minuten Stück?

Heute möchte ich Euch mit einem Entwurf zu einem 10 min Stück beglücken.  Wenn ich ans Schreiben dachte, habe ich nie daran gedacht, daß ich Dramen schreiben möchte. Das hat sich natürlich auch an meine Herangehensweise an das Schreiben selbst ausgewirkt. Nämlich lange Zeit den Bildschirm anstarren, ohne nur eine einzige Zeile zu tippen. Dazu kommt das Englisch nun mal nicht meine Muttersprache ist und sich wirlich fast jeder Dialog ersteinmal unnatürlich anfühlt. Zwar bildet ein Dialog in einem Theaterstück nicht ab, wie wir wirklich sprechen, da der Theaterdialog quasi poliertes sprechen ist, aber normalerweise fließt er schön.
Diese beiden Aspekte haben doch dazu geführt, daß ich eher lustlos mit der Ausführung begann. Dabei war ich von Anfang an von meiner Idee überzeugt. Die Idee zu dem Stück kam mir während der Lektüre "The Three Christs of Ypsilanti", das ich hier schon mal kurz erwähnte. Wie man deutlich lesen kann, handelt es sich bei 2 plus 1 um einen Entwurf, der noch nicht abgeschlossen ist. Während ich anfing zu schreiben, habe ich einen immer deutlichen Eindruck von meinen Figuren bekommen. Das hat mir geholfen, in die Geschichte reinzukommen. Allerdings bin ich immer noch unentschlossen, wo das Ganze enden soll. Im April ist Abgabe, dann werde ich schlauer sein. Allerdings würde ich es dann auch gerne mal live sehen. Ich glaube, das tolle am Theater ist wirklich, daß es für die Bühne gemacht ist. Ideen für ein mögliches Ende sind natürlich willkommen. Also bitte an mich wenden!





2+1


A ten minute play


CHARACTERS


LEO – a patient in his 40ies, shy and sensitive


JOSEPHINE– a patient in her late 20ies, boisterous 


DR. BLOOM – the doctor, middle aged man


A NURSE



SCENE I


The play is set in a psychiatric ward. It should not give the impression of ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO’S NEST, but rather it gives a warm and welcoming feeling.  The room contains three comfortable chairs, a little table with a box of tissues on top of it. On two walls you see packed bookshelves, on the third wall hangs a print of the painting THE TWO FRIDAS by Frida Kahlo.


DR. BLOOM is sitting in the consultation room, looking tired and drinking Whiskey. When it knocks, he springs from his chair and hides a half empty glass of Whiskey and bottle behind some books. 


DR. BLOOM: Come in!


Leo enters the room and takes a seat and looks to the floor. 


DR. BLOOM: Hello Leo, how are we today?


LEO (avoids eye contact): Fine, Dr. Bloom, thank you. 


DR. BLOOM: How is your profession…I mean… vocation going?


LEO:  I would prefer you would call it my calling, doctor. Fine, thanks.  


DR. BLOOM starts writing on a notepad he holds on his lap.


DR. BLOOM (shakes his head nearly unnoticed): You have been with us for a while now. Have you met Josephine yet? I thought we should try something new, something that might help you. I would like to introduce you to each other.


LEO: But I am fine, doctor. Really. Why should I meet anyone new? I don’t want to  -


DR. BLOOM: Excellent. Actually she should have been here by now…


DR. BLOOM looks at his watch.


LEO: I don’t want to meet anyone new. People give the impression they don’t understand me. 


DR. BLOOM: She seems to be late, let me get her quickly. 


DR. BLOOM stands up and opens the door. JOSEPHINE stands in front of the door.


JOSEPHINE (while entering and taking a seat): Thank you. 


DR. BLOOM: Oh Josephine, you are already here. You didn’t just stand outside waiting for me, did you?


JOSPEHINE: Of course not, I arrived as soon as you opened the door.


DR. BLOOM: Well for next time can I suggest just knocking? 


JOSEPHINE: Next time I will let you in.


Leo looks shyly to the floor again, DR. BLOOM looks irritated and goes back to his chair.


DR. BLOOM (smiling through his teeth): Good, as we are all here now and as we haven’t met before I would suggest we start with a short introduction. I’ll begin to break the ice. I’m Leonard Bloom, I have been working here as a psychologist for six months now. I am married to –


JOSEPHINE starts coughing. DR. BLOOM looks at her even more irritated. LEO looks at JOSEPHINE.


JOSEPHINE:  His wife has recently left him. 


DR. BLOOM looks at JOSEPHINE with his mouth open. 


 LEO: What? Really? I am sorry to hear that Doctor. I hope you won’t get a divorce doctor?


DR. BLOOM: Please, both of you. Please. We shouldn’t focus on my private life. It just slipped my tongue. It only happened recently. But it shouldn’t bother you. Josephine, I have no idea where you heard this one from, but it has nothing to do with our counselling session.  Could we continue without discussing my private life? Thank you. Leo, maybe you can go next?


LEO: You shouldn’t say it doesn’t matter. My father taught me: ‘Thou shalt not commit adultery.’


JOSEPHINE: Oh, that’s what my father always tells me! He would probably add: “May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.  A loving doe, a graceful deer-- may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love. “ – How sad it is too late for you, Dr. Bloom.


Leo looks for the first time at Josephine. DR. BLOOM controls himself visible for others and doesn’t say anything. He clings to the armrests.


LEO:  My father is saying exactly the same… 


DR. BLOOM: Ok, stop it you two. Stop it.  Who is speaking about adultery, Leo? Josephine, my wife simply left me. It happens. It shouldn’t bother you. (starts tapping the notepad with his pen) . Could we please finish the round now? Leo?



LEO: Yes doctor. Of course doctor. Hmmm…What about me? I am just Leo.  (He reaches forward to get a tissue out of the box and starts to scrunch it up. )


DR. BLOOM: And? Anything you would like to add?


LEO (his speech gets quieter with every word):  I am Jesus Christ, saviour of humanity and Son of our Lord, my father? 


JOSEPHINE: NO WAY! That can’t be!


LEO: I am sorry, I didn’t mean to -


JOSEPHINE: Sir, no offense, but that’s crazy. You can’t be Jesus. 


DR. BLOOM (looks at Josephine): And why are you saying this, Josephine?


JOSEPHINE: Because, he is obviously deluded. That’s why. He can’t be me. I am Jesus. 


DR. BLOOM: You are not saying he pretends to be you, are you?


JOSEPHINE: No. I am saying, he’s a liar. 


LEO (clears his throat): As my father always points out: Thou shalt not lie! I wouldn’t do it!


JOSEPHINE: If you are saying this, you’d better start listening to your father. 


DR. BLOOM interrupts quickly.


DR. BLOOM: Okay, let’s assume neither of you is lying. What has happened then?


JOSEPHINE: It’s easy. Sir, he might be an instrumental god. They rank over Angels but are inferior to the saviour.  Or he is deluded. 


LEO (mumbles): Excuse me, I can’t help it that I am Jesus. I didn’t ask to be.


JOSEPHINE (towards LEO): I have news for you. Forget it, you better start worshipping me.

LEO: Thank you, but I have my own religious followers. 


JOSEPHINE: Maybe in the clinic. You better get your OWN life and wake up to the facts here! 


DR. BLOOM nervously slides on his chair.


DR. BLOOM: Please, could we try not to offend each other?  


JOSEPHINE: Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.


DR. BLOOM: What a thoughtful remark, Josephine. Still, I would prefer we could continue without insulting each other? Please?


JOPSEPHINE nods but doesn’t say a thing.


LEO (into the quiet room): Are you an atheist Dr. Bloom?


DR. BLOOM: What has THIS to do with anything?


LEO: I was an atheist myself before I lost my wife. 


DR. BLOOM: I don’t think in this session is any room to discuss our private beliefs.


LEO (ignores DR. BLOOM completely and stares at the ceiling): I loved Sharon. (Starts sobbing) But this damn night ruined everything. It was my entire fault. I decided to go out drinking with my boys. Just for a couple of beers like we use to, every Friday night. She asked me if I could pick her up. It was snowing that day. She didn’t feel confident driving under such weather conditions. (Beat.) She had a car crash on her way back home. She died in hospital the same night.  And then after all these years my real father spoke to me. Suddenly his voice filled my head….(He stands up and spreads his arms)


JOSEPHINE: Pathetic.


DR. BLOOM: Josephine!


LEO: What did you say? (Drops his arms.)


JOSEPHINE: You are a liar, Leo. Your wife didn’t die in a car crash. She left you because you were an alcoholic. 


LEO looks at JOSEPHINE and takes a seat. He picks another tissue and starts to crunch it.


LEO: I was just out drinking with the boys. 


DR. BLOOM (sighs): I know how these stories end.


He reaches out for the tissues and starts sobbing. LEO is irritated; JOSEPHINE grabs another tissue  which she offers DR. BLOOM. Someone knocks at the door. A NURSE opens the door without waiting for the permission to enter. DR. BLOOM stops and looks at the NURSE)


NURSE: Sorry Dr. Bloom, excuse my interruption. But we have an urgent phone call for you at the reception.